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Ambush Reporter: Will the constitution be finished in time?
CA Chairman: Yes, it will be finished in time. In due time.
Another exchange with a smart aleck columnist went something like this:
Smart Aleck: What will happen after May 28?
CA Chairman: May 29.
The mysterious Asia-Pacific Foundation has done it again. The foundation sure seems to be fond of holding seminars at the drop of hat like the sudden conference in Bangkok on Monday. Chairman Awesome air-dashed to BKK, even making the flight wait. The 250+ pax in the Triple Seven were told there was a technical snag and the plane sat in the tarmac for two hours. The AsPac Foundation must hold nocturnal meetings because Fearsomeness came back to KTM the very next morning. The Big Question is why was the Maoist Chairman spending one night in Bangkok? To make a hard man humbler? Was it to meet his uncooked minders, or wok operatives, or both?
We have it on good authority that PKD desperately wanted to meet Sri 3 Ravishankhar last week. The Indian Godman finally agreed to grant him an audience and the two had a top secret tete-t-tete at the swami's hotel during which PKD is said to have asked Sri Teen to work his magic on Delhi so they like him more.
Comrade Chairman once told the BBC that he instructed his followers to execute class enemies with a bullet to the temple. The same fellow is now fond of comparing himself to Mohandas Gandhi and Gautam Buddha. And, a day after returning from Thailand, he did it again in a speech on the occasion of Buddha Jayanti on Tuesday. The atheist leader of the godless baddies said Nepal's leaders could "learn a lot" from the Buddha's teachings, things like "compassion", "non-violence", and "humility". Watch out, this guy is going to turn into a monk if we don't make him president soon.
Wonders never cease in this capital of the New Nepal. You can tell a revolution has come a full circle when underground guerrillas turn into casino bouncers and start beating each other to pulp. A week after the brawl at Casino Venus left a BRB unionist with multiple fractures of the skull, Awesome's goons issued an oral death threat against BRB in person for lodging a complaint with the police. (It was only a question of time before the bowtick carbuys the baddies used to inflict on reactionaries, would be meted out on themselves.) What is interesting is that BRB turns to the same police force of which his party butchered 1,400 members to now save his life.
Of all the people the baddies got JN to appoint a blacklisted war criminal as Misinformation Minister. Ugly Kamred has replaced Mahara Daju on this job after his predecessor had got his son Mister Atom (yes, that's his real name) to fix all available telecom deals. And as Homely Minister, his first order of business has been to disappear all files of human rights violators from the rebel side. And he has been proving authentic what CP Kamred said: that taking control of the Nepal Police and the APF was the first step in wresting full state power.
Don't want to go to school? Sick of your boss at work? No petrol for your bike? Declare a bund, it has never been easier. Engineer your own shutdown via SMS like someone did this week in Mechi-Kosi. It just takes three easy steps:
1. Come up with a scary-sounding name that include the words 'Backward Liberation Front (BLF)' in it
2. Send out an SMS to everyone in your address book saying: 'BLF has called a bund tomorrow.'
3. Sit back and enjoy a well-deserved holiday
