ANGAD

One of the most welcome pieces of news this week is the long-awaited announcement that the Municipality is going to finally install an electric crematorium in Pashupati. This will reduce the pressure on our forests and hopefully resolve the burial ground dispute. There is just one small problem. What to do during loadshedding? We could power the crematorium with a diesel generator, but what if there is one of those frequent diesel shortages? Dead people can't wait at gas stations. The other idea that is gaining currency is a solar incinerator. This would definitely be environmentally friendly and Nepal could cash in on carbon credits under the Clean Development Mechanism. But, again, what to do if folks die at night? Or during the monsoon? There may be a huge backlog of corpses waiting for a cloud-free day. So, despite opposition from the greens there seems to be only one solution: a nuclear-fuelled crematorium.

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Lest there be any doubt, Maoist Prime Minister Jhala Nath Khanal and Maoist Chairman Lotus Flower have signed a sworn affidavit reaffirming their commitment to the seven-point pact. There is now an agreement to follow the agreement. What is not so well known, however, is that there was another, even more top secret, agreement between JNK and PKD. The unspoken 10-point pact is so secret that the Ass was sworn to secrecy and can only divulge it if you promise to keep it to yourself:

We, Awe Some and Jhal Gnat, do solemnly swear that we will abide by the following points of agreement, cross our hearts and hope to die:
1. We won't ever let Baburam Come-red become PM
2. We will dangle a bone to keep The Sher salivating
3. We will not let anyone from the Oli-Makunay camp in our coalition
4. We will extend the CA by two years on 28 May
5. We will buy off more CA members and get a two-thirds majority
6. We will charm the pants off the Europeans
7. We will both say one thing and do the other
8. We will stab each other in the back, but gently
9. We will merge the Maoists with the ML faction of UML
10. We will abide by communist principles and share the moolah
Jholnath has really inherited his guru's ability to talk simultaneously through both sides of his mouth. He signs a statement with PKD in the Sand Castle that the Home Minister should be a Maoist appointee, and he
immediately turns around and tells the Hindoo that he made no such agreement. "I only said I'd consider it," quoth he. Must give it to Comrade JN, he is even better at this than Awfulness.

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If it is the appointment of the Home Minister that is holding things up, may the Mule suggest just carving up the ministry into five units headed by coalition members so everyone is happy? Call them:
1. Â Ministry of Interior Decoration
2. Â Home Away from Home Ministry
3. Â Home-made Ministry
4. Â Make Yourself at Home Ministry
5. Â Ministry of Home Sweet Home

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Oh yes, the real reason the Baddies desperately want Commander Rain Man to head the home ministry is because this is the only minister who has official discretion to spend half a million bucks a day without showing anyone any receipts. That is why the anti-JN faction wants Lord Vishnu in the position, and JN is equally determined not to let that happen. In summary: we replaced one UML guy with another UML guy and the government is still deadlocked.

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Brainwave of the Week: Get the Qataris to donate us a 1,000 megawatt multi-fuel power station and diesel for ten years in return for withdrawing Cool Gautam's candidacy for the UNGA.

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Quote of the Week: "We used to be scared of helicopters, but look at us now. We ride choppers to come to see you here in Thawang." â�" Comrade Bigplop's speech in Rukum on the 15th anniversary of the War.

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Co-Winners of the Headline of the Week Contest: "Physical Attack on Physics Department" "Subhas Nembang Awarded Honorary Karate Black Belt"