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***
Anyway, as a service to its loyal readers and royal leaders, the Ass has here a brief summary of the strategies of the main parties as of presstime Thursday:
Kangresis: Try to woo the UML under the banner of a 'democratic front', failing which call everyone an 'obstructionist'. NC is too busy with preparations for its district party convention anyway to worry about something as inconsequential as prime ministerial elections and every kangresi neta worth his salt is shooting his mouth off. Funnily enough, it is Chakra 'Revolver' Bastola who has come up with the idea of a revolving prime ministership. Meanwhile Lionheart is licking his chops because Poodle doesn't stand a chance. The Kangresis have a cunning plan: they have no plan. The Ass' prognosis is that RCP will be so bored he will fall asleep and forget to vote for himself on Tuesday.
Baddies: PKD is still gunning for a majority by hook or by crook (mostly by crook). But he is realistic enough to know it may not happen. He is now settling for 'Plan D', which is to convince RCP to jointly withdraw their candidatures, then nominate Jhallu Kamred for the post. This way he assassinates two birds with one stone: gets his lapdog to be PM and bags key ministries, but (much more important) he sabotages BRB's chance of being a consensus candidate in a Maoist-led govt. Which is why PKD is busy trying to cajole, arm-twist, sweet-talk, seduce RCP to step down with him. Ass' prognosis is that PKD is headed for the Gulag.
Eh-maleys: The CentCom is veering towards backing JNK's consensus candidacy if for no other reason than the fact that key netas will get to be ministers. The Oily faction has been reduced to writing notes of dissent. The eh-maleys know their party is in a heads-we-lose-tails-they-win situation: the party will be ripped apart whether it joins the Baddies or the Kangresis. Ass' prognosis: who gives a rat's butt?
***
Now that New York's bars have started serving celebrity cocktails named after Mel Gibson and Lindsay Lohan, a local barfly proposes the following cocktails for Kathmandu's watering holes:
Awesomeness Bipolar (Mao Tai + tomato juice + Tabasco, stirred with a dynamite stick)
Suzie Sling (jigger of arrack + schnapps, shaken, not stirred)
Cuba Libre Baburam Slammer (seabuckthorn + Marmelos + Coke)
Floor Crosser (arrack + nimbu pani + cocktail onion)
Royal Sunset (Famous Grouse + kalo pad-art)
***
Just when Kingji thought he had laundered his image and regained his popularity, both his son and son-in-law are causing him grief. Sonny boy is back from S'pore and following Daddy's footsteps to Birganj and other places, undoing many regained royal brownie points. Then he gives a no-hold-barred interview to a UML mouth-organ in which he calls for 'new thinking' about the country's future. If this was still a monarchy the Ass would have said the young clown prince is in a hurry to be king. Then, in true royal tradition, both father and son were embarrassed by Raj Budder joining the Junta Dull and the very next day spending the night in the can after a drunken brawl at the Hack & Yeti.
***
So the two presidents never did get to meet. Bureaucrats at the MoF put in a request for the visiting president of the Asian Development Bank to meet President Ram Baron last month, but it was shot down by none other than the Financial Minister Com Suren, who said "there was no need" because it would "supersede" his meeting with a lameduck prime minister.
***
A news item buried in the inside pages of a daily this week that read 'Judge grilled' got the Ass thinking about various ingenious ways to actually grill a judge. The Donkey risks a contempt of court suit by printing the suggestions received from friends:
* judge skewered horizontally over a simmering charcoal bed
* judge grilled a la shwarma
* judge coated lightly with bhatmas ko tel and turned slowly as flames leap up and sizzle the skin
ass(at)nepalitimes.com
