Nepali Times
ASS
Backside
A donkey's Dasain

ASS


The prime minister's advisers were probably trying to ensure the longevity of the Nepal government by making a big deal out of the fact that Barack Obama has given an appointment to Prime Minister Mcoonay. Baluwatar wants to cast this in stone so the government won't be toppled before October. But if history is any guide, pre-announcing a visit doesn't ensure the longevity of an incumbent: remember how Kishunji's state visit to France didn't save him from being ousted by GPK in the early 1990s?

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If a prime minister uses every public speech to declare that hisgovernment is not going to fall, then it must mean it is about to fall. The halla about the govt's imminent demise reached a crescendo this week.

The rumours were triggered by GPK snubbing MKN and making overtures to PKD, then the meeting between SBD, JNK and PKD, and the anti-Suzy kangresi caucus meeting in Narayan Than. Despite all this intrigue, the govt has survived the pre-Dasain scare. Now all we have to do is wait for the post-Dasain scare.

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Even the intrigue-minded Maobaddies don't know what to make of all this wheeling and dealing. But they have to make a big bang before everyone goes to sleep over Dasain, so they have announced a Samyukta Rastriya Jana Andolan Samiti. How does a one-party agitation become Samkyukta?

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The week was awash with other Maoist doublespeak. Comrade Awe-inspiring first told cheering supporters that the ten-year war was a picnic and threatened a war in which 10 lakh would be killed. More cheers. Then in Biratnagar, he let slip what he really meant by civilian supremacy: "civilian supremacy means every civilian will have a gun". After that, Pashupati blew up in Fearsome's face and he got Mahara Babu to issue a double-tongued statement: "We didn't do it. The people did it, and we support the people." The tyre-burning at Pashupati went on the next day, but the protesters were no longer carrying Maoist flags.

But the Baddies chose the wrong time to attack Pashupati, when almost the entire Indian press corps was here to chase up the story on ex-CP Paras being involved in fake currency trafficking. One Indian tv editor even called his correspondent in KTM to rake up a Chinese role in backing the Maoist attack on Pashupati. Mix 24-hour tabloid tv with hyper-nationalism and you get dynamite.

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Something is definitely cooking on the India front. The new Indian foreign sec is supposed to visit next week, even while a half-dozen young turk netas fly in the opposite direction on a junket: Minendra, Shekhar, Pradeep G, Khimlal, Arzoo and Anil J. For once, we know they are not all going for health checkups.

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The Baddies invited civil society members for a t?te-?-t?te ostensibly to ask for advice. All present told them off about the prolonged house boycott, BRB and PKD nodded sagely, but the house boycott continues. They told the comrade leaders to restrain their cadre, and the same day the Pashupati priests got beaten up. Too much to expect the leopard to change its spots.

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The Prime Minister of Nepal got all touchy feely with Geri Halliwell at the National Campaign to End Gender-based Violence the other day. Makunay was seen joking and fooling around with Ginger Spice throughout, oblivious of the fact that he was on national tv. Spice held his hand and put her hands on his shoulder several times, almost soft-massaging him. At one point the PM got up abruptly to go to the loo (yes, even premiers have to go) leaving Geri quite confused. In her speech, Geri called him a "21st century man". During the group photo session at the end, Geri fondly put her arms around MKN and the 5' 1" Prime Minister of Nepal reciprocated, but ended up grasping her love handles, according to our eye witness. Let's not forget Ginger was famous for pinching Prince Charles' royal ass when she was still a Spice Girl.

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With the holiday season approaching, it's a good time to remind ourselves of the good times we have as the country with the most holidays of any on earth. And we're not even counting the bandas. Which reminds me, the Ass is taking the next two weeks off. Even donkeys celebrate Dasain, yar.

ass(at)nepalitimes.com



LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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