Nepali Times
ASS
Backside
A totalitarian eclipse

ASS


here are many signs that we are regressing as a nation, and the latest was the government-declared solar curfew on Wednesday to celebrate the totalitarian eclipse. Not only has the Nepal government gone back to the days of the Panchayat, it has even pushed us back to the good old days when us Nepalis groaned under the Rana yoke and when eclipses (either lunatic or otherwise) were holidays. Looks like the New Nepal is actually the Nothing New Nepal.

***

The talk of town this week was the spat at the launch of Young Comrade Manushi's re-launch of her Dad's party mouthpiece, The Red Spark, based on Lenin's own mag, Iskra (which, the donkey has been told, is what "jhilko" means in Russian).

But the launch went badly awry as comrades started to verbally lynch each other in public, proving just how far our reds are from turning theory into reality. First to let himself go was Guest-in-Chief Awesome himself, who was laughing and chatting with Comrade Jhallu before the ceremony. But what is it with our lefties that as soon as they get behind the podium and have a mike thrust on their faces they just have to lash out at fellow comrades? Which is exactly what happened, PKD called JNK names like "imperialist lackey", "jackboot of the military", "running dog revisionist". For a moment it looked like JNK was not going to take this lying down as his face turned into the colour of a tomato ripe for revolution. If he had got up when his turn came and called Ferocious a "bloodsucker", he would actually have been telling the truth. But, Lotus Flower was in home territory and Jhallu thought the best thing to do was to stage a walkout. And he did.

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But it didn't end there. Comrade Formidable's next target was his very own Baburam whom he proceeded to tear asunder over an article he did for his dotter's mag called 'Marxism Today' in which BRB writes, and I quote: 'Us modern Marxists have to remember that today's world is more Trotskyite than Stalinist'. Being a closet Trot, Baburam should've known that this would be unacceptable to a Dear Leader who hangs portraits of Uncle Joe on the wall above his office desk. Maybe Laldhoj is past caring, but that bit rankled PKD so much he publicly criticised his Ideologue-in-Chief. When his turn came to speak, BRB delivered a stinging rebuttal in which he said good communists should be able to call a spade a spade, or words to that effect. Baburam knows what he is talking about because he was actually disciplined by his party back in 2004 when he dared criticise the personality cult of Prachanda Path.

***

The reason Chhabilal is so cranky of late is probably because of something he ate, he has been feeling so nauseous that he was actually bed-ridden earlier this week. Must also have been the tension at the CentCom meeting where he's had to defend his position tooth-and-nail against the Waffen-SS faction led by Old Doc and Biplop. But, surprise, surprise, Biplop stunned everyone at the Central Committee on Tuesday, when instead of launching the expected tirade against the Chairman he ended up delivering a motherhood-and-apple-pie speech. Must give it to Fearsome, just when his party looks like it is on the verge of binary fission he somehow manages to defang the hardcore wallahs.

***

Now that the crisis spawned by the sacking of the army chief is going to automatically disappear with the scheduled retirement of Gen Cutwall next month, Baddies are in a bit of a quandary. After all, they run a perpetual
revolution machine and need to focus attention on another agitation. It is a party that needs to keep itself agitated all the time, otherwise it loses it raisin d'eater.

ass(at)nepalitimes.com



LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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