Nepali Times
ASS
Backside
A psychedelic Prithbi Narayan

ASS


That was one helluva successful bund. One of the most successful we've had in donkey's years. Monday's YCL bund was in fact so effective that even Maoist Politburo members couldn't get to their conclave at Buddhanagar, and the important meeting had to be postponed.

***

Comrade CP, however, did make it to the Reporter's Club to deliver his tirade on Thul Dai, but only because he was travelling in a van with a large laser-printed 'Press' sign pasted to the front. Good thing he came through that unscathed because his guerrillas were beating up journalists and doctors out there. Speakers from the other parties didn't want to take any chances and hoofed it to Putali Sadak, while Comrade Pumfa Devi was seen on Bagmati Bridge as her bodyguards choked on sewage fumes.

***

Since the 'Press' sign doesn't protect us hacks anymore during YCL bunds, one media org took its staff to work with a 'Subha Bibaha' sign in red out in front. Apparently jantis and marriage parties are exempted from band rules, and so are funerals. Ambulances are not allowed but hearses are. So, in a way, the already-dead are better off during a band than the nearly-dead. People seem to have got wind of these changed rules because a large group of easy riders were seen at Teku on Monday cruising the empty streets with the word 'Malami' emblazoned to the front of their motorbikes. The only thing that didn't quite fit was that they all looked like they were in high spirits.

***

Meanwhile, 500km away in Kalikot Maoists beat up the entire UML district committee for having the temerity to oppose them, injuring 15 moderate commies who had to be choppered out to Kathmandu for treatment. And guess what the Maoists did the very next day to protest their own atrocity? Yup, they called a Kalikot Bund.

***

The Ass ain't complaining. At least they didn't actually kill anyone, so that is a vast improvement from the war years. And in a lot of ways, the baddies are just following the example set by the kangresis and the e-malaise who during the 1990s unleashed an epidemic of hartals on us. And they're still at it. On the day that the Maobuddies had shut down KTM, kangresis in Chitwan violated their own declaration of Chitwan as a Band-free District, and forced the district to close by getting hired goons to patrol the bazaar. While their district cadre was doing all this, the NC top brass issued a statement saying the bund didn't have the support of the central leadership. Fat lot of good that did them.

***

What is emerging from the Politburo meeting is a sharp polarisation between hardliners and even-more-hardliners about whether the party's future strategy should be outright rebellion or a consensus govt. Stung by the cascade of events that led to his downfall, Comrade Awe-Inspiring is reportedly leaning towards sleeping with the enemy. But the hardcore ones led by Dr Baidya and Com Biplop with the YCL providing musclepower have been holding secret nocturnal meetings to plot ways to pressure Terrifico. The reason for Monday's band was therefore a show of force not so much against the new government, but to show the softies in the Politburo who's boss ahead of this week's meetings.

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Laxman Khadka finally got arrested after being caught pink-handed while giving the Grandfather of the Nation's index finger a new coat of paint. By doing such a psychedelic job with Prithbi Narayan, Laxman should have been allowed to do the same to the assorted Rana-era statuary on Tundikhel. Alas, this country just can't respect talent.

ass(at)nepalitimes.com



LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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