Nepali Times
ASS
Backside
Mero or Tero?

ASS


Kind of symbolic that the much-talked about new Rs 500 note that has replaced kingji with Everest still has the watermark of the bird of paradise crown.

Just goes to show that however much they try to erase the monarchy, its vestiges still remain. So what are the republicans going to do now, burn the money on the streets instead of tyres?

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Even if his party has decided on the republican agenda, it looks like GP is hedging his bets. The current political deadlock is not because of the Maoists but because the prime minister stubbornly refuses to declare Nepal a republic before elections.

So why is kingji so viscerally opposed to the only guy who is still standing for monarchy?

The Ass has heard it whispered that Girjau also rejected an Indian package proposal last month to make him Interim Prez and a Maoist deputy prime minister to end the current deadlock. In fact, after kingji rejected the 'baby king' proposal centre-right kangresis think the 'citizen king' approach of Keshar Bahadur and others may fly. Sujata's strategy is that backing the Scandinavian model will distinguish the NC from others in polls and earn it the block monarchy vote. It's a high-risk gamble.

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Kingji appears unperturbed by all this, and keeps himself in the news by visiting Kumaris and stuff. That's probably because instead of getting Dr Pathak to provide him with a daily summary of the newspapers he uses his newfound freetime to read the papers himself. (Ass says hi.) He's also on the net a lot and seems to be an active blogger. His recent meetings with loyal royals have hit the news, but he has also been meeting up with Indian and American diplomats in Nirmal Nibas and Nagarjun. For exercise, he goes for long hikes on Nagarjun and uses his treadmill while in the city.

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Just like kingji made the biggest contribution to the republican cause in this country, it is now clear that the biggest monarchists are the Maoists. The postponement of elections in which they had a big hand, has ensured that kingji will now be around for at least six more months. Neither the Maoists not the monarchists want elections, and the Fierce One has done the ex-Majesty a great big fat favour.

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Speaking of fat, the Maoists aren't getting as much exercise as they used to during their underground years as can be gleaned from their ample girths. Awesome's paunch is now becoming hazardous to his health, and the entire politburo looks like it needs a workout. Which is probably why they are doing aerobics every chance they get. The comrades celebrated their resignation from government by doing an impromptu boogie at the Khula Munch and even Awesome joined in to gyrate his hips at the launch of Comrade Leftist God's new CD album. Why do we need Ramdev when we have Bamdev?

It took PKD and BRB to mediate between Kantipur management and the Maoist trade union last week. The reason is that Comrade Awful was getting calls from Jimmy Carter in Atlanta and Shahid Malik in London. And who was Jammar the Kattel speaking to on the phone after the Kantipur meeting? Does he take his orders from someone else besides the two senior-most leaders of his party who were present?

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People in the tarai have stopped taking calls if the caller ID shows it is from a Mero mobile. The reason is that just about every shopkeeper, industrialist, doctor, and school principal is being extorted with threatening calls from Meros. The extortionists prefer Mero mobile because Tero mobile never works. The Ass wonders why these crooks can't be tracked down if the police knows their numbers.

ass@nepalitimes.com



LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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