After warning of "physical action" on reactionaries in their fiery post-plenum speeches, the Maoists are furiously back-pedalling, especially while talking to internationals.

The comrades are not just under pressure from hardline dissidents within the party but also international revolutionaries who have accused them of abandoning the cause when victory was within reach. That is why the party's delegation to a CCOMPOSA conference somewhere in the Eastern Sector recently had to grovel and whine. "We are using this transitional phase to spread our mass base and consolidate it.to bring disintegration to in the enemy's camp so that we can give a final blow and usher into the country a new democracy," our comrades told their comrades. Ass' italics.

Now, wonder what the Swiss and Nordics who have been the firmest believers in reformed Maoism think of that. The problem with the international solidarity movement is that some people want revolutions everywhere else but in their own country.

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The criticism of YCL high-handedness has put the leadership on the defensive. Awesome One is now on a charm offensive to try to convince donors, activists, media bosses and others that he means well. On Friday, Kathmandu's self-described intelligentsia was invited to the Hyatt for a roundtable. The partyline now is: "physical action" doesn't mean what it used to during the conflict. Metaphysical?

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Even Maoist party bosses have their movements curtailed when fraternal and maternal outfits call for chukker jams. Wednesday's bund was wildly "successful" because even bicycles were not allowed and in Thamel rickshaws that were normally exempt were demolished. Why don't these guys show the same thoroughness in community social work?

Anyway, even Comrade Awesome couldn't travel to an prior engagement he had with the newly-formed Editors' Alliance because of the bund called by his own cadre. It is apparently due to criticism he faced about living it up that Chairman Dahal is moving house again from his pistachio-coloured villa in Sora Khutte to something more modest.

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No Ass column is complete without an update on UNMIN. We hear local recruits at the BICC are unionising and will soon launch a phasewise agitation for the extension of UNMIN's mandate. If their demands of extension till April '08 is not met, they have threatened to burn tyres at Baneswor. And why do UNMIN SUVs (nicknamed "White Rhinos" in the tarai) have English number plates? Devnagari not good enough for you guys?

Given UNMIN's strained relations with the Indians, the last thing it needed was for flight UN310 to stray into Indian air space last week on a flight from Simra to Nepalganj. Ass NOTAM to pilot of Charlie Foxtrot Whiskey Yankee Uniform: Kathmandu FIR is only 34 DME from KTM VOR on radial 300 so can't fly on a straight line between SMR and NPJ unless you want the Indian Air Force scrambling interceptors with heat-seeking missiles from Gorakhpur AFB.

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It looks like UNDP is getting more pie in its face for gifting $2 million from a fund earmarked for peace building in Nepal to the BBC Trust. For an organisation that makes "capacity building" its motto, it is hilarious that UNDP has been excelling in taking away capacity from Nepal's radio producers and poaching scriptwriters, producers and radio journalists. Meanwhile, some kuire experts have spent the last six months "learning about Nepal" so they can hit the ground running. The FM radio network has gone radioactive, not to mention ballistic, and have taken delegations to UNHQ in Pulchok to register their protest. This ill-conceived project is also being asked some tough questions by Kathmandu-based donors.

P.S.: Please send John back when you're finished with him.

ass@nepalitimes.com