Nepali Times
KUNDA DIXIT
Under My Hat
Being fair to the unfair sex

KUNDA DIXIT


This week's column is a Special Advertorial Supplement sponsored by Pale FaceTM brand fairness cream for men. Registered Trade Mark, Imitators Will Be Persecuted. Now that multinational cosmetic companies have finally recognised the potentially lucrative market for their lotions and potions among Nepali maledom, we can safely say that this country is well on its way towards true gender equality that has eluded us for aeons. Finally, we men will not be discriminated against any more on grounds of sex-especially when one of us has a headache.

As our womenfolk become more and more empowered and self-reliant and less and less dependent on various beauty products, it is up to us boys to take up the cudgels to preserve our craggy good looks and sturdy masculine complexion from the ravages of time and the Earth's gravitational pull. (Editor's note: Make sure 'cudgel' isn't a rude word and report back to me immediately.)

After fulfilling the onerous duty of holding up the sky for most of human history, we men can now safely bequeath to the womenfolk the responsibility of holding up not just their half of the sky, but also our half. This will free up our free time so we men can engage in various pursuits that we have previously neglected like powdering our noses and plucking our armpit hair.

Which is why it is a landmark event when a beauty product conglomerate decides after its astounding success in the challenging sub-Saharan African market that the Nepali male consumers are also mature enough to use its White Man's Burden TM brand fairness cream.

After all, recent surveys have shown that 80 percent of the men in the subcontinent have had to sneak into their wives' dressing tables to steal fairness creams meant for women. (The other 20 percent dressed up as women and bought the cream from their neighbourhood drug store, according to reliable reports.)

Bio-engineers who designed the cream said at a press conference in Kathmandu this week that since us men tend to be more thick-skinned and more hirsute, female creams were just not strong enough for us which is why the oinkment was not yielding desirable results.

Hence this new industrial-grade White ElephantTM brand skin bleacher and exfolliator designed especially for he-men like us. That is actually made up of a mixture of concentrated white enamel paint with a paraffin-based emulsion fixer. Directions for use: apply liberally on the affected dark areas twice a day after meals. And, voila, within just two days you won't be dark and ugly anymore, you will be fair and handsome like Michael Jackson.

So, what are you waiting for? Visit your neighbourhood paint shop today and buy yourself a tube of our extra-strength male-only Albino Cr?me-de-la-Cr?meTM. It's only fair that society takes up the cudgels to be fair to the unfair sex. l Now that multinational cosmetic companies have finally recognised the potentially lucrative market for their lotions and potions among Nepali maledom, we can safely say that this country is well on its way towards true gender equality that has eluded us for aeons. Finally, we men will not be discriminated against any more on grounds of sex-especially when one of us has a headache.

As our womenfolk become more and more empowered and self-reliant and less and less dependent on various beauty products, it is up to us boys to take up the cudgels to preserve our craggy good looks and sturdy masculine complexion from the ravages of time and the Earth's gravitational pull. (Editor's note: Make sure 'cudgel' isn't a rude word and report back to me immediately.)

After fulfilling the onerous duty of holding up the sky for most of human history, we men can now safely bequeath to the womenfolk the responsibility of holding up not just their half of the sky, but also our half. This will free up our free time so we men can engage in various pursuits that we have previously neglected like powdering our noses and plucking our armpit hair.

Which is why it is a landmark event when a beauty product conglomerate decides after its astounding success in the challenging sub-Saharan African market that the Nepali male consumers are also mature enough to use its White Man's Burden TM brand fairness cream.

After all, recent surveys have shown that 80 percent of the men in the subcontinent have had to sneak into their wives' dressing tables to steal fairness creams meant for women. (The other 20 percent dressed up as women and bought the cream from their neighbourhood drug store, according to reliable reports.)

Bio-engineers who designed the cream said at a press conference in Kathmandu this week that since us men tend to be more thick-skinned and more hirsute, female creams were just not strong enough for us which is why the oinkment was not yielding desirable results.

Hence this new industrial-grade White ElephantTM brand skin bleacher and exfolliator designed especially for he-men like us. That is actually made up of a mixture of concentrated white enamel paint with a paraffin-based emulsion fixer. Directions for use: apply liberally on the affected dark areas twice a day after meals. And, voila, within just two days you won't be dark and ugly anymore, you will be fair and handsome like Michael Jackson.

So, what are you waiting for? Visit your neighbourhood paint shop today and buy yourself a tube of our extra-strength male-only Albino Cr?me-de-la-Cr?meTM. It's only fair that society takes up the cudgels to be fair to the unfair sex.


LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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