Nepali Times
KUNDA DIXIT
Under My Hat
Music to my ears

KUNDA DIXIT


To earn the distinction of being arguably the most heavily-entertained nation on earth in just two short months is no mean feat. It needed vision, determination and a spirit of adventurism to sail off into uncharted waters at sunset knowing fully well that the ship of state would run aground. It is this can-do attitude that makes us confident and optimistic about the future despite the hole in our hull.

It helps, of course, that we have a Minister of Inflammation who firmly believes that FM radio around the world is only used to play songs. He is right. Even in Ancient Rome, historical records tell us, FM stations were playing fiddle solos while the city burned.

And in Kathmandu aside from instant noodle jingles and instrumentals, radio journalists have in the past two months turned their news studios into karaoke bars. The trend started with Radio Nepal broadcasting popular patriotic tunes on 103 FM in place of the BBC World Service to shield the Nepali public from depressing international news such as the death of the pope and the Michael Jackson trial. Now, other FM stations have taken the cue and started putting their news into music and singing them.

"This is Radio Infotainment coming to you straight from or studios in Baneswor. Our correspondent Elvis Presley is down at the Jailhouse in Charkhal Adda and he has the latest. Elvis, so what is going on down there, if you could please sing it to the tune of your famous hit, Jailhouse Rock.

Yeah, sure, Ghamaraj Ji,
The warden, it is reliably learnt, threw parties into Central Jail,
The bandh was there and the reporters began to wail,
They defied the ban on assembly of five or more people and the joint began to swing
You should've heard the jailed journalists sing
Let's rock, everybody let's rock
Everybody in the whole cell block (chorus)
This is Elvis Presley reporting for Infotainment Radio. Back to you Ghamaraj.

Thanks, Elvis. Let's now go live to our reporter, Jerry Lee Lewis, who has been standing by impatiently all day long on the Mugling-Narayanghat Highway to sing us his dispatch. We advise you to exercise caution because his stanzas may be disturbing to some of our listeners. So, Jerry, over to you can you please bring us up to date to the tune of your great single hit Great Balls of Fire?

(guitar solo)
You burn my lorry and you roast my buffalos
Too much arson, man, drive me insane
Just today there were two tankers and a truck
Goodness gracious great balls of fire
I chew my gum and I twiddle my thumb
There just ain't much to do during a bandh
Just sit all day at Jalbire to watch
Goodness gracious those great balls of fire

And that brings us to the end of this bulletin, we just have enough time for our political analyst Bob Dylan with today's commentary which he will sing to the tune of his all-time great ballad, Blowin' in the Wind.

How many months can an emergency exist,
Before we all go completely nuts?
Yes 'n' how many months can some people exist,
Before mobiles are forever banned?
Yes 'n' how long can the highways be blocked
Before we run out of adulterated diesel?
The answer, my friend, is the passing of wind.
Yes, 'n' we're all pissing into the wind.


LATEST ISSUE
638
(11 JAN 2013 - 17 JAN 2013)


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